


A contradiction

by tasteoftheforbidden



Category: Violet Evergarden (Anime)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to something they can't quite label, F/M, Moving On, Regret, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25362778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteoftheforbidden/pseuds/tasteoftheforbidden
Summary: He was a splitting image of Gilbert, but he was nothing like him. She was a tool for war and bloodshed, but she had the face of an angel.Will they finally see eye to eye?
Relationships: Dietfried Bougainvillea & Gilbert Bougainvillea, Dietfried Bougainvillea/Violet Evergarden, Gilbert Bougainvillea/Violet Evergarden
Comments: 13
Kudos: 160





	1. Chapter 1

Violet glanced up at the cruise ship that would be her home for the next three days. It’s been a while since she last journeyed this far away for work. It’s been more than three years since she began working as an Auto Memory Doll and requests for her services have grown immensely. She couldn’t exactly fathom how people from all over the world had come to know about her. Even now, as she began to board the ship, people would stop her along the way for a chat or even just to shake her hand. Claudia told her that it was a testament to her skills and that she would eventually get used to it; but she doubts she ever will.

Bowing to the usher who welcomed her on board, Violet headed to her room before more prying eyes could catch wind of her. The last thing she wanted was to get caught in the middle of a crowd. Slipping swiftly into her room, she locked the door as she released a tired sigh. Placing her suitcase at the foot of the bed, she glanced around the tiny single room – a closet, a bedside table, a lamp, and a tiny window that showed nothing but the sea. This would be her home for the next few days.

Glancing at the orange rays of the setting sun, Violet took note of the fact that she would have to leave for dinner soon. She sighed. Being a doll has taught her many important things in life, but never did she imagine it would cause her to lose something just as valuable – her time. For the past couple of months, she hadn’t had a moment of silence. She could no longer walk the streets in anonymity. Everywhere she went, there was always someone demanding her for time.

Every day at work, there would be a crowd of admirers waiting outside just to catch a glimpse of her. The company had difficulty keeping up with the volume of gifts sent to her on a daily basis. She was limited to working within the headquarters because Claudia feared for her safety travelling alone.

It’s been nearly a year since she’s last travelled for work. Claudia had no choice in the matter as it had been a request from Queen Charlotte herself. She would take no other doll but her – the very reason for the success of her marriage and the peaceful union of the countries Flugel and Drossel.

Violet sighed once again as she recalled the ceaseless insistence of Claudia and Cattleya to have Benedict escort her during the trip. And he would have, had he not sprained his ankle yet again because of his ridiculous choice of footwear. His ankle had been hurt so bad that he needed crutches to walk.

Blinking, Violet found herself surprised at the darkness before her. She hadn’t realized just how long she had been staring into space. The sun was gone and in its place was a full moon shining in all its glory. Deciding to put off dinner a bit longer, Violet headed towards the bow of the ship. At this hour, people would usually converge at the upper and middle decks for dinner and entertainment, leaving the ship’s rear deserted. It was a perfect opportunity for silence.

Maneuvering cautiously through the halls, she was glad her experience in the military hadn’t completely waned. Finally making her way to the lower deck, she moved further back towards the low humming sound of the ship’s rear propellers. The lights were getting dimmer as she reached the bow. She settled her eyes onto the steel railings that stood out amidst the darkness. Reaching out a hand, she heard a soft clank at the touch of metal against metal. Glancing down at her hand against the railing, she tensed her grasp. She felt nothing other than the slight tightness the prosthetic hand signaled to the flesh of her arm. It had been so long since she last felt the sensation of actually touching something.

A looming presence behind her had her quickly drawing back from the rails. Twisting her body, her arms shot up reflexively in a gesture of defense. But the figure before her had her frozen in shock.

A tall, lean stature. Short dark hair that swayed with the wind. And dark emerald eyes that mimicked her surprise.

“M-Major…” Violet stuttered in disbelief. But before she could say his name, a scoff cut her off almost immediately.

“Have you become so domesticated that you’ve lost the ability to accurately distinguish faces in the dark?”

The initial surprise from the set of emerald orbs turned into something akin to annoyance. Violet felt the tension in her shoulders release. “Cap… Admiral Dietfried.” She corrected herself.

“How many times must you mistake me for my brother before you are satisfied?” Dietfriend responded monotonously as he walked towards the edge of the ship, a few feet from where Violet stood. His eyes were fixed at nothing in particular, gazing aimlessly out into the ocean. He really couldn’t understand why she always expected Gilbert to show up whenever his family name was announced, whenever they would accidentally run into each other in town, or whenever he would ask for her to visit as requested by his mother. She would always show that ridiculous expectant look that made him want to slap her in the face. More so when that look shatters into utter disappointment when all she saw before her was him.

“I apologize.” Violet offered a short but quaint bow. She knew he lost his beloved hair when he ran into a burning school to save a little boy who had been left behind. And because it was now an age of peace, news like that made it to the front page of the paper. It had been the talk of the town for days. “I… still find it difficult to get used to the way you look, Admiral.”

Dietfried released an annoyed sigh, glancing at the woman beside him momentarily, before staring back at the distance. He ran a hand against his hair, feeling his bangs touch the top of his cheeks, while the rest of it barely moved. He couldn’t remember the last time he had his hair this short.

As much as she tried, Violet couldn’t stop herself from eyeing the Bougainvillea heir in a trance-like manner. Right this moment, as he stood nearly an arm’s reach away under the light of the moon – his face, his hair, his build, his eyes – he was a splitting image of Gilbert now more than ever.

“Stop staring.” Came Dietfried’s commanding tone, his eyes narrowing as he glared at the widened cerulean orbs staring back at him. “I’m not Gil.”

Violet blinked, not realizing she had been gazing at him so intently. “I… I apologize.”

Dietfried clicked his tongue as he leaned both hands against the cold steel railing. His eyes closed as if trying to compose himself. “Honestly. It’s been years. When will you people understand?” He paused, shifting his attention back to the petite woman who still hadn’t taken her gaze off him. “Gil is gone. He’s never coming back.”

Violet’s eyes widened not at the words he had uttered, but at the intensity of his gaze. She couldn’t help it. In this light, if it hadn’t been for the harsh way his eyes looked, it was as if Major Gilbert was standing right before her, alive and well.

Realizing this, Dietfried turned his gaze away in frustration. First it was his own mother, then it was that coward Claudia. Even the upper brass of the military would look as if they’ve seen a ghost whenever they caught a sight of him passing by.

Realizing how uncomfortable she was making him feel, Violet offered another apology.

Dietfried kept his gaze on the water. “If all you’re ever going to do is apologize, then just shut up and leave.”

Violet placed both her hands on the rails, mimicking the admiral’s stance, eyes never leaving his profile. “I would like to stay awhile longer.” She stated without room for argument.

Dietfried snapped his head towards Violet with clear irritation, to which she responded with the simultaneous shift of her gaze towards the darkened horizon.

The Bougainvillea heir turned his head away, cursing his luck. Here he thought he could finally have some peace and quiet. Ever since that news article broke out a month ago, people just wouldn’t leave him alone. Because of the sudden surge of his popularity, the upper brass deemed it mandatory for him to become the face of the naval forces. Being a newly appointed admiral was tiring enough, but now he had been given trivial responsibilities such as providing public appearances and media coverage. He couldn’t wait to climb even higher up the ranks so he could silence any unnecessary demand required of him.

“What brings you to travel to the country of Flugel?”

Dietfried clicked his tongue as he felt her eyes on him once more. “None of your business.”

“Is your mother doing well?”

“Ask her yourself.” Came his curt, impertinent reply.

“How are things in the navy?”

“Uneventful.”

“And you?”

Dietfried blinked, before he finally allowed himself to glance back at the cerulean eyes gazing attentively at him. “What?”

“How about you, Admiral?”

He narrowed his eyes in confusion. “What about me?”

“Are you doing well?”

Dietfried directed his gaze towards his body. “Can’t you see for yourself?”

Violet shook her head in clarification. “I meant to ask, are you happy?”

Dietfreid felt his lips part slightly at the unexpected question.

“Cattleya told me that life is all about finding one’s happiness. It can come in different forms, and you can find it in many different ways, but ultimately, it is what gives life meaning.” Violet paused, her calm eyes never once left his widened ones. “I wanted to know if you have found yours.”

Dietfried continued to stare dumbfounded at the remnants of the weapon he had found. The little girl who, despite half his size, subjugated his entire crew, leaving only him alive but powerless. The child he sent off to fight in a war with every intention of getting her killed. The tool he passed on as a gift for his brother to serve as his protection in the battles ahead. That young girl, who was once so ruthless and deadly, was standing before him in garments fit for a maiden, questioning life’s meaning and purpose.

“Admiral?”

Dietfried felt a cold touch on his arm, dragging him back to reality.

“Are you alright, admiral?”

Shaking the metal hand off his arm, Dietfried turned his gaze back to the ocean to compose himself. “Don’t touch me.”

Violet kept her gaze on the Bougainvillea heir’s face. The grave expression he donned and the sudden silence from him confused her even more. “Did I say something wrong?”

Dietfried closed his eyes, trying his best to reel in the frustration. None of it made any sense. “Just what…”

Confused emerald orbs met calm cerulean ones.

“Just what exactly did Gil do to you?” Dietfried couldn’t bring himself to understand. It was impossible for someone to change as drastically as she had. Killing was all she knew. It was all she lived for. Just what did his little brother do to tame this monster?

Dietfried stared speechless at the genuine, heartfelt smile Violet offered him in response.

“He cared for me.” She paused as she brought a hand on the brooch she wore on her chest. “Major Gilbert… He loved me.”

Dietfried looked away. He couldn’t understand why but seeing her this way made him feel sick. She was a living reminder of everything he wanted to forget. His incompetence for his inability to protect his own men. His cowardice and overwhelming fear of dying a meaningless death. His cruel immaturity for taking out his frustration on a little child who knew nothing of the world. His guilt of joining the navy instead of the army, a duty of Bougainvillea men, leaving his brother alone to fend for himself.

Violet stared in surprise at the grip Dietfried had on the steel rails. His hands were shaking. “Admiral?”

“You.” Dietfried held onto the rails as if his life depended on it. His thoughts were in turmoil. “Why did you keep me alive?!” One hand darted off to grab Violet by the collar. The feel of the cool green stone in his hand did nothing to quell his growing anger. He stared desperately at the wide-eye woman before her. Dragging her roughly by the collar, he kept her lodge between him and the rails. How easy would it be for him to throw her off the boat and into the ocean where she would die a slow and painful death?

“Answer me!” He demanded, his grip on her collar punishing. She had killed every single one of his men, except for him. She followed him around on that island for days on end, taunting him, nearly driving him insane enough to want to take his own life. Until help finally arrived. He brought her along, kicked and shoved her around, before locking her up in a room. And yet, she hadn’t once attempted to kill him.

Why?

It was the question he had always wanted an answer to, but could never bring himself to ask. He watched as she started to struggle at the tightness of the clothing on her neck, but it annoyed him to no end that she did nothing to push him away.

“Y-You…” Came Violet’s strangled tone. “Didn’t try to hurt me.”

Violet felt the grip on her loosen. The dark green orbs she was gazing into were now drowning in a pool of surprised confusion and pain. The way he was looking at her now, was exactly the way the major used to look at her. “Unlike your men, I felt no ill intention from you, Admiral.”

Violet watched as Dietfried’s hand moved away from her, failing heavily onto the steel railing with a thud. His head hung low, eyes closed tightly in what looked like an expression of agony. She stood in silence, her hands floating between them, trapped between his arms and the cool metal on her back.

All this time, the very life he intended to eradicate kept him alive because he gave her no reason to fight. No reason to kill. All she wanted was to stay alive. All she ever did was try to survive. How could he not have understood that? Instead, he turned her into a tool, an object of hate that would bare all his sins – an escape from all his incompetence and insecurities. Who was the monster now?

“Admiral…” Violet whispered tentatively, her hands still hung on the space between them, unsure if she should touch him. “You look like you’re in pain.”

Dietfried bit his lip as a wave of guilt hit him like a canon. Just how had he been living his life?

Cool metal hands reached forward hesitantly. Violet wasn’t sure what to do exactly, but during situations like these, people would almost always want one thing.

Dietfried’s eyes flew open at the feel of cool metal on his face. Raising his head, he looked at the woman before him in surprise. She cupped his face in both her hands, her concerned gaze never leaving his, before she moved to envelop him in a hug.

“It’s alright.” She whispered. “It’s alright.”

Dietfried didn’t know what disgusted him more – her audacity to touch him so intimately, or the warm feeling of security her embrace made him feel.


	2. Chapter 2

“Is the seat taken, Captain?”

Dietfried continued to take a sip of his whiskey, not bothering to glance at the unwanted visitor who was now sitting comfortably beside him. “What’s the point of asking if you don’t bother waiting for an answer, Claudia?” Swirling the fiery liquid in his glass, Dietfried kept his gaze on the entrancing way the ice slowly melted.

“I didn’t want to give you the opportunity of denying me your company.” Came Claudia’s cheeky tone as he raised a hand to signal the bartender. Ordering a drink for himself and a refill of Dietfried’s, Claudia directed his attention back to quiet man sitting beside him. Dietfried had never really been the social type; but after Gilbert’s death, he seemed more solitary than ever. “Never thought I’d see you at a place like this.”

“Likewise.” Came the Bougainvillea heir’s curt reply.

“So what brings you here?”

“Nothing in particular.”

“I heard you’re up for a promotion soon! Doing pretty well for yourself, huh?” Claudia clapped a hand over Dietfried’s shoulder in a gesture of camaraderie.

“So they say.”

“How are you planning on celebrating your promotion?” Claudia asked merrily, hoping for an invite to a party in his comrade’s honor.

“No plans.”

“Ah…” Claudia trailed off, looking for further conversation. “I’m glad to see you stuck with that hair of yours!”

“Hn.”

Claudia sighed as his gaze shifted from the loose braid on Dietfried’s back, and onto the now empty whiskey glass he held loosely in his hand. It was nearly impossible to have an actual conversation with him.

Thankful for the bartender’s arrival, Claudia offered Dietfried another drink. “Here. How about a toast to your-”

In one swift movement, Dietfried cleared the glass and motioned for another one.

Claudia shifted his gaze back and forth from the empty glass and the captain’s indifferent face. “Bad day, huh?”

Dietfried offered no reply.

With a sigh of defeat, Claudia decided to focus on his drink.

Minutes passed by as they continued to drink in silence. Claudia, however, couldn’t keep his eyes off the captain and his growing collection of empty whiskey glasses. Just how high was this man’s tolerance? He didn’t even show an ounce of inebriation.

“She’s still at your company?”

Claudia blinked, unsure if the Bougainvillea heir was actually talking to him. “I beg your pardon?”

After another shot of whiskey, Dietfried finally directed his gaze at Claudia. “Violet.”

“Ah, yes. She is!” Claudia was beaming now. “You won’t believe just how much she’s grown in just a-”

“She’s a weapon.” Dietfriend responded with his eyes closed, his tone exasperated. “No matter what you do, there is only one thing she will ever be good at.”

Claudia released a sigh, a small smile now on his face. “Well, I’m sure her customers would disagree with that.”

“You have no idea what those hands of hers have done in the past.” Dietfried’s gaze on Claudia was burning.

“Just as I have no knowledge of yours, or anyone else’s past.” Claudia argued as he shrugged. “What’s done is done. If we focused on that, how could we possibly live our lives now?” He paused to offer the soon-to-be admiral a challenging look. “You’d be surprised to see what she’s become now.”

Dietfried shook his head. “How could you possibly understand?”

“I know.”

“Reading official reports doesn’t count as knowing.”

“I’m a naturally curious man.” Claudia paused to take a sip of the scotch in his hand, relishing in the way it burned in his throat. “What if I told you I heard from the actual source?”

Claudia stared defiantly at the pair of emerald eyes that were now openly glaring at him.

“What could she possibly say of value?” Dietfried replied bitterly.

“There is one.” Claudia began. He wasn’t sure if Dietfried would want to hear it, but he was growing tired of The Bougainvillea heir’s condescending demeanor towards his beloved employee.

“She told me the reason why she had been so at ease with Gilbert.”

Dietfriend raised an uninterested eyebrow in reply. “What does that have to do with-”

“It was because he looked like you.” Claudia paused, watching Dietfried’s expression morph from indifference to surprise and confusion. He pressed on. “She said she couldn’t explain it exactly, but when she first met you back then, for some reason, she felt safe.”

Emptying what was left of the whiskey in his glass, Dietfried slammed it down the counter. His cold emotionless eyes stared right through Claudia. “Lies.” He whispered through gritted teeth as he stood to take his leave.

* * *

Dietfried’s eyes shot open as beads of sweat travelled down his forehead, trailing all the way to the back of his neck. Sitting up slowly, he ran a hand over his face before raking it through his hair in frustration. He just had to remember that conversation now of all times. Seeing dim streaks of warm light seeping through the lone window in his room, he could tell it was daybreak.

Pulling the drenched tank top off his body and throwing it off to one side, he made his way to the bathroom. Pulling down his trousers and hanging them by the hook on the door, he stepped into the shower, turning the knob at full blast.

Dietfried gritted his teeth and groaned at the feel of ice cold water on his skin. He needed this. Closing his eyes, he hung his head low. With slow controlled deep breaths, he allowed himself to get used to the temperature. The strong blast of the shower on his head and shoulders brought him back to reality; while the smooth trickle of the water down his back, torso and legs soothed him.

Without warning, images of the night before flashed through his mind. He slammed a hand on the tiled wall. How could he have allowed himself to show such weakness in front of that woman? The last thing he needed was to start seeing her as a human being.

* * *

Violet stood at the edge of the ship’s bow, admiring the fading rays of the sunset. Resting her back against the railings, she couldn’t help but stare hopefully at the walkway heading towards the lower deck. She hasn’t seen him all day. Did he even step out of his room at all? She knew it was ridiculous to think that the newly appointed admiral would want anything to do with her after last night. He made it very clear with the way he pushed himself out of her embrace before stalking off in anger. But she couldn’t bring herself to let things go. She was worried. He seemed like he was in a lot of pain.

Violet stared at her intertwined hands resting comfortably against her lap. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she wanted to see him again. It wasn’t as if she was pretending that he was Gilbert. But it’s been three years since she lost him and she was scared of forgetting – scared that one day she would wake up and have trouble remembering all the little details about how he looked.

The way his eyes shone under the sun, how he would look at her with certain pained fondness, and how he made her feel just by standing right next to her. She had no photograph of him, no other belongings of his other than the brooch he had given her. It scared her how much his face faded out as the years passed by. But last night was like a miracle. It was as if all her memories had been refreshed. They felt so vivid, so alive and real. She never realized just how much she missed him until last night.

If the major had been alive now, without a doubt, she would still be in the army, serving at his side. She never would have learned of dolls, letters and the myriad of emotions a human being was capable of feeling. She’s thought about it a lot. Would she give up the peaceful life she’s lead so far, and all the knowledge it has taught her, just to be by the major’s side?

Violet closed her eyes as she moved a hand towards the brooch on her neck. Could she really go back to living the life she fought so hard to put behind? She wasn’t so sure anymore. There was definitely a time she wouldn’t have hesitated. Being with him was like breathing. It was just something she had to do.

But with all the things she knew now, and given all that she had done before, she didn’t know if she could throw everything away just to serve by his side. A part of her wondered though. If the major had been alive, would she be much happier than she was now?

* * *

Dietfried stared at the empty dishes on his bedside table in disdain. “How pathetic.”

Lying down on the bed with his gaze on the ceiling, he ran a hand through his hair, still unused to how it ended just barely on the nape of his neck. To think he was so against the idea of running into her that he had all his meals delivered to his room. It was ridiculous.

He had nothing to say to her. And he was sure the feeling was mutual. There was no point in meeting any more than they already had. He said his piece, and she answered with hers. The last thing he wanted was for them to start acting like amiable acquaintances. Or day he even say, friends? He shuddered at the thought.

He knew he would never forget what she did to his men, and how she failed to protect his younger brother. But he knew now that it wasn’t her fault. Like everybody else, she was just trying to survive. And although he acknowledged his immature self for pushing all of the blame on her, he could never bring himself to apologize. Whether it was a matter of pride or a matter of fear, he was unsure. He’s done a lot of things he wasn’t particularly proud of. But he knew this guilt was one that would stay with him for a lifetime.

A soft knock echoed from his door.

Just like all his previous meals of the day, he had dinner delivered to his room as well. Dietfried grumbled. He was half naked and didn’t have the motivation to look presentable enough to answer the door. “Leave it. I’ll come get it when I feel like it.”

He sighed. He knew he was acting like a spoiled child but he didn’t particularly care. It’s not like he was currently on military duty, nor was he in a life or death situation. He just need a day of seclusion.

Another knock came from the direction of his door. Dietfried snapped his head towards the sound in annoyance. Hadn’t he made himself clear? “I said leave it.”

He waited a few more seconds before lying his head back down on the pillow. But just as he had, several knocks resounded once again, this time louder than the previous ones.

Dietfried clicked his tongue as he rolled out of bed chaotically; prepared to scream bloody murder at the idiot who couldn’t follow simple orders.

“For fuck’s sake-” The Bougainvillea heir forcefully flung the door open, causing for the knob to hit the wall violently before slamming back closed. It lasted for a second, but he was pretty sure that the braided blonde hair, surprised cerulean eyes, and those feminine garments only belonged to one person. He had half the mind to ask if his eyes were playing tricks on him.

He stood frozen, unsure of what to do.

Another knock. “Admiral? Is everything alright?”

Dietfried closed his eyes shut in exasperation as he ran a hand over his face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was wondering if-”

The sound of a couple of footsteps emanated from the hallway adjacent to theirs. It seemed a group of people would be passing by shortly.

Without warning, Dietfried watched in surprise as the door to his room flew open, the shuffle of feminine garments quickly echoed in the quiet space between them, before the knob clicked shut.

He stared at the wide eyed gazed that mimicked his own.

There she was, Violet Evergarden, standing just a breath away from him, hands behind her back as she leaned against his only manner of escape.


	3. Chapter 3

"Get the hell out of my room!"

Dietfried moved to grab the doorknob when a petite arm shot across him to land on the wall a few inches from the handle.

"There are people coming." Violet strained her ear against the door. The sound of chatters and laughs were louder now, and so were the soft thumps of footsteps along the carpeted hallway. The last thing she needed was to get caught in a crowd.

The gesture earned her a menacing look from the Bougainvillea heir. "Do I look like I give a fuck?"

His left hand grasped the knob only to feel cold fingers land on his wrist.

Dietfried studied the way she angled her body to protect the door, one hand braced against the wall, the other wrapped around his own. He gave her one last look of warning. She steeled her gaze at him, not willing to back down.

In a flash, he secured both her metal wrists in his right hand, twisting his body to throw her over his shoulder. He watched her land on her feet, gracefully undeterred, as he released her wrists.

He kept his eye on her as he slowly moved his right hand onto the knob. A metal hand shot towards his once again, but he swatted it just as swiftly with his left arm. She ducked to slip under his arm, heading straight to the door, when he raised a perfectly timed knee aimed to hit her square on the face.

Violet raised a palm to block the brunt of the blow, while her other hand wound around his leg. She rolled on the floor, taking him down with her. He managed to slip out of the hold, landing an open palm strike against her chest. She crossed both her forearms just in time to break the hit. The force of the blow caused her to stagger and fall on her back, as he enveloped her blocking arms in his grasp with ease.

Dietfried pressed on as he watched her struggle against his force. She was lying on the floor, his right shin heavy against her legs as she struggled to get him off.

She said nothing, only looking at him with a quiet defiance.

He could tell she didn't particularly have her heart in the fight, but the way she moved also told him she'd gotten rusty over the past years of sitting languidly on a desk, fumbling over words. How easy it would be for him to raise his unoccupied hand and choke her tiny little neck until she could no longer breathe.

It surprised Violet at how adept the admiral had become at hand to hand combat, but she knew her lack of training was to blame for the stark difference in their skill. She had nearly finished visualizing a countermove, when the pressure against her chest eased by a fraction.

She stared at the glazed green eyes hovering a couple of inches above her. The darkness of the room and the moonlight streaming through the porthole made the sudden blank expression on the admiral's face more eerie.

She had seen him don this expression a few times over the years; his mind suddenly flying elsewhere during random moments of the day.

Dietfried blinked, slowly coming back to reality, stunned to be met by concerned cerulean eyes.

Violet watched as his initially blank face morphed into the same expression she had always seen the major give her – surprise, confusion and pain.

The way she looked at him as he crushed her against the floor made him want to wretch the contents of his stomach out. He stood up swiftly, putting a good amount of distance between them as he headed towards the other side of the room.

"Get out."

Violet sat up, turning her head towards the back of the Bougainvillea heir who seemed keen on avoiding her gaze. She didn't know what was going through his mind, but she knew she didn't want to walk out that door just yet. She stood up slowly, her eyes still on the tense shoulders of the puzzling man before her. She saw him flinch when she took a small step towards him.

He tilted his head to one side in a warning gesture, still not meeting her gaze. "I _said_. Get. Out."

"Admiral, are you alright?"

In the blink of an eye, he turned around closing the space between them in a few steps. His emerald eyes glared daggers into her own, just a breath away from where she stood.

"Get the fuck out, or I _swear."_ He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, hearing every thrum of his heart against his ear. "I'll kill you."

Violet fought the compulsion to tear her gaze off the burning green eyes that seemed to drop an invisible weight into her own. "You wouldn't do that." She answered boldly, but her voice was barely above a whisper.

Dietfried tilted his head up the ceiling, an empty mirthless chuckle escaped his throat. Looking down at the calm cerulean orbs that wouldn't stop look at him, his gaze turned severe and punishing. "Don't push me."

"You've had every opportunity to."

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What?"

"I've lost count of all the times you could have ended my life."

His lips parted as he watched her offer him a small smile; as if the memories she had of him were things she could look back at fondly.

"And yet you haven't."

She was looking at him expectantly, waiting for a reaction – a confirmation, an explanation, anything. He never felt inclined to hide his disdain towards her. That much was clear. He viewed her as a tool for war and nothing more. To him, her life only had value in the battlefield. Outside of that, he never seemed to care.

"Why haven't you?" She pressed on.

The room stayed silent, their heavy breaths barely audible over the sound of the waves crashing against the steel wall of the ship.

Violet felt warm fingers brush against the cool stone of the brooch on her chest, before wrapping around loosely against her throat. The emerald eyes staring at her were icy and calculating, the expression on his face indiscernible.

"Would you like me to?" His voice was quiet and hoarse, his eyes transfixed on the narrow column of her neck.

Violet said nothing as she felt his grip on her tighten. She swallowed as the pressure grew gradually, making it more difficult to breathe. But she kept her eyes on him as he stared her down, daring her to make a move.

She stood her ground, fisting her hands against the fabric of her skirt, daring him to continue.

Violet felt the corners of her eyes prick as the air to her lungs were cut off. An involuntary cough left her mouth as her throat began wheezing. Her fingertips itched to claw her way out of his vice grip, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Even as her lungs burned, her chest heaved, and her throat spasmed, she stood still.

She could feel her consciousness fading. All her strength left her body almost instantly. Her hands hung limply to her sides as her eyes fought to stay open. Her vision began to blur. A lone set of tears spilled at the overwhelming pain that immediately morphed into a freeing numbness.

Violet finally closed her eyes, ready to succumb to the feeling of slumber, when the sudden sensation of her lungs filling with air shook her.

She felt her knees give out, barely registering the arm that snaked around her waist and the solid form that held her in place. She slowly raised a shaky hand to her throat as she struggled to even her breathing, her other arm hung loosely on her side. A voice was mumbling overhead, but she could barely make out the words.

"You stupid idiot."

Violet tried to blink, struggling to fight the sinking feeling in her body, but her eyes stayed closed. She felt her legs lift off the floor, her head spinning momentarily before everything turned black.

* * *

Dietfried stared at his unmoving shadow, watching it lurch arbitrarily whenever the ship would hit a particularly tall wave. He was sitting in silence on a stool directly under his room's porthole. The light of the moon illuminated his figure at an angle that made his silhouette reach the bottom of the door frame.

The soft sound of shuffling garments shifted his attention back to the woman on his bed who was slowly gaining consciousness.

He didn't understand the logic that what was going through her head. She willingly letting him squeeze the air out of her without so much as a protest, carelessly leaving her life in his own hands. If he hadn't stopped himself when he did, she would have…

A fit of coughs echoed throughout the room.

Dietfried stood to grab the glass of water by the bedside table, offering it silently as disoriented cerulean eyes scanned the environment cautiously.

Violet sat up slowly, bracing herself with one hand on each side as she pushed herself back to lean against the headboard. She coughed again, taking the full glass of water carefully in one hand. Bringing it closer to her lips, she placed a palm underneath it to stop its wobbling.

She sipped the liquid as slowly as she could, wincing at the sharp pain that seized her throat every time she swallowed. She could feel the Bougainvillea heir eyeing her the entire time.

Violet sighed, dropping the empty glass on her lap, fingers clutching it loosely. She watched the admiral wordlessly walk back towards a chair by the lone window in the room.

He sat down slowly. His sharp emerald eyes were back on her, studying her conspicuously.

Violet felt oddly exposed at the open way he was staring at her. Her gaze dropped down to the glass, toying with it awkwardly. She cleared her throat. "Thank you." Her voice came out breathless and scratchy.

A familiar humorless chuckle reached her ears.

"You're _thanking_ me?"

Violet raised her head to see a pair of judging eyes piercing right through her.

"For choking the life out of you?"

Violet blinked. "But you stopped."

His lips parted at the matter-of-fact response she gave him. She was looking at him without a hint of malice, without a shred of disdain. She was gazing at him as if they were having a simple conversation about the weather.

"What the fuck has Claudia done to you?" He shook his head as he tore his eyes away from her, drawing them back onto the darkened outline of his figure on the floor.

"Once again admiral, you failed to kill me."

Dietfried snapped his head back at her to lash out, only to be stunned in silence by the smile she sent his way. It was small, almost nonexistent; but her eyes were warm, blinding even in the darkness of the night.

"You still couldn't bring yourself to."

For once he couldn't formulate a response. She was right. He couldn't. When he saw her slipping out of consciousness, the skin on her neck growing cold and stiff, he immediately let go.

Violet slowly made her way out of the bed, stifling a groan at the way her body resisted her movements. She walked towards him slowly, cautiously. He was still silent, lips parted, eyes wide, looking at her as if he was seeing a ghost.

"You know admiral…"

He watched as she stood in front of him, her entire person seemed to glow under the light of the moon.

"You're not as bad as you force yourself to be."

Without waiting for a response, she bowed her head announcing her leave. She left his room quietly, as if she hadn't just barged in there and flipped his whole world upside down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of chapter three. The story ends in the next chapter.
> 
> If you're a big fan of this pair, I would appreciate it if you would contribute to the works as well haha! The number of fanfics for this pairing is depressing. Thank you so much for reading! Constructive criticism is highly appreciated :)


	4. Chapter 4

Violet eyed the passengers heading down the inclined planks attentively, hoping to catch a glimpse of familiar black hair. They had arrived at Flugel more than an hour ahead of time, much to her surprise. They weren't due until nightfall, but their ship had docked safely just as the rays of the sun grew longer, draping the entire pier in a beautiful golden orange glow.

The slew of people was thinning now, but she had yet to catch a glimpse of him. There was only one way out of the ship and she had been standing right across it the whole time, certain she had been the first one down. Where could he have gone?

Just as the last set of travelers stepped off the board, Violet marched back up the ship, ignoring the protests of the ushers stationed around it. She apologized quickly, explaining the need to locate a forgotten item. She stopped as she reached the last few steps of the plank, turning her head to one side, then to the other, uncertain where to look first. Instinct told her to head to the bow, so she darted towards it with determination. Quick steps resounded against the empty halls as she marched her way through the ship. The loud beating of her heart cut through the silence as it matched the increasing pace of her gait. She ran through the last couple of steps, rounding a corner to finally reach the ship's end.

She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. He wasn't there. She crossed to the other side of the ship, stomping through the hallway hastily. She checked his room, but it was empty; as if no one had been there at all. She huffed in disappointment and turned to search elsewhere, when a crew member caught sight of her. He left her no room to argue, and was adamant for her to leave. Much to her chagrin, he escorted her all the way back to the beam connecting the ship to the docks.

Violet sighed as she walked down the steps, dismayed that she missed him. She had no clue how he managed to slip under her watch. How could he possibly have left the ship without her knowledge? She sighed again. He was an admiral after all. He probably knew about the workings of the floating vessel more than anyone on it.

The sound of her heeled shoe clicking against the cement gave her a strange feeling of defeat. She stood silently as the crew members pulled up the makeshift walkway, successfully cutting off access to the ship. She let out a long breath, giving it one more look before deciding that it was time to leave.

Violet began to turn away when a familiar silhouette caught the corner of her eye. She whirled back around, surprised to see him standing at the ship's entryway where the beam had once been. He had one hand in the pocket of his trousers, looking at her with an indiscernible gaze. The light wind made the unbuttoned jacket of his suit sway in the same rhythm as the strands of his hair. He said nothing.

Violet could only stare as the large vessel moved gradually, tilting a few inches away from the docks as the propellers began to turn. She felt an overwhelming need to speak, but for some reason, she couldn't find the words. Just what exactly should she say to him?

Her eyes widened when he pulled out the hand in his pocket, chucking something up in the air towards her. Her eyes tracked the trajectory of the item, unable to make sense of what it was until it finally landed on her outstretched palms. It was a small flat black leather pouch. She looked at it confused, glancing back at the Bougainvillea heir inquisitively, but he was gone.

Violet watched as the ship began sailing away, cutting through the waters quicker now that the propellers were spinning in full capacity. The sun was at the edge the horizon, ready to plunge into the tip of the ocean; its embers soon to be extinguished. She glanced back down at the leather item in her hands. It looked like a tiny notebook; a silver snap button held both of its flaps together. She lay it against one palm, fingers itching to pop it open. At the sound of a snap, the cover freely turned on one side, revealing what lay hidden underneath.

Cerulean eyes widened, shining with unshed tears.

Major Gilbert was staring right back at her, a stern but satisfied look on his face. He was in his green army uniform, one hand clutching his hat as he gazed at what she assumed had been the camera.

Violet reached towards his face with shaking fingers. A soft clink echoed when the metal tips touched the glass that held the photo in place. It was old and a bit discolored, but now she had a tangible reminder of him – his face, his hair, his eyes. She had always feared forgetting. It frightened her that one day she would wake up unable to recall all the details that made him, him. But with this, she wouldn't have to worry anymore. With this, she would always remember.

Violet held the picture against her chest, ignoring how ridiculous she must have looked – standing on the edge of the docks, staring down at the still waters that reflected her own image. She raised her head to glance at the now tiny outline of the ship. She wasn't even able to thank him. He probably did it on a whim, and had no idea just how much the gesture meant to her. Perhaps he even decided on it just so she would stop staring at him, incessantly mistaking him for the major.

Glancing back down at the photo, Violet couldn't help but smile. She would make sure to thank him properly. Just as she moved to close the leather pouch, the odd movement of the glass caught her attention. Turning the cover all the way, she flattened both flaps against each other outwardly. Her eyes took note of the gap between the glass and the leather beneath it, the edge of the photograph peaking in between. She narrowed her eyes. Something about it looked odd.

Pulling apart the glass and the leather, she carefully pinched the old photo, sliding it out gingerly in an effort not to tear it. It seems it had been folded. Closing the leather pouch and depositing it on one hand, she deftly spread-out the rest of the picture.

Her breath hitched.

Staring right at her were an identical set of emerald eyes, still sporting the long-haired braid his brother often complained to him about. He was in his white navy uniform, one hand clutching the matching head piece in a gesture similar to the major's. His expression was haughty, but the teasing smile on his face made him look at ease. It was clear that the photo had been taken several years ago; his face visibly lacking the hardness it had now.

She eyed both men, who looked so identical they could have passed off as twins. Violet couldn't help but smile, secretly glad to have discovered the rest of the photograph. She folded it back into the leather flap, tucking the pouch securely in her pocket, tapping a hand over it affectionately.

Violet watched the streetlights blink as the tip of the sun descended fully into the horizon. She had to get going soon. Queen Charlotte was expecting her for dinner. And as if on cue, a carriage arrived at the docks, no doubt her escort to the palace. Violet took one step towards it and paused, contemplating. Letting out a huff of determination, she spun around, running towards the opposite direction. There was still some time to spare. The carriage could wait a few more minutes. For now, there was something more important she needed to do.

She rushed through the throng of people, heading towards the marketplace she knew was on the other side of the street. Scanning the stalls discerningly, Violet smiled to herself when her eyes finally landed on a set of familiar looking leather pouches. After all, she needed a bigger one to fit her new photograph. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question: Which side of the photo did Violet put up when she returned the folded picture back into the leather pouch?
> 
> Answer: I guess we'll never know :p
> 
> This is the first time I wrote something without any dialog. It was pretty challenging, but it was fun! I hope I was able to convey the scene in my mind perfectly ^^ 
> 
> Thank you to all the readers of this story, and to everyone who's a fan of this ship. I really love this story so much (biased coz I wrote it obviously) and I hope one day, when I decide to stop by this fandom, NEW works will be published. 
> 
> Take care guys and stay safe during this pandemic!


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